I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
