I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
