well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
