i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
