I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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