No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize