you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
