Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
