just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
