I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
