what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
