Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
