brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
