I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
