I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
