I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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