So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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