So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
