i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
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A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
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Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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