I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
