I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
