Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize