You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
