Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
