I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
