a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
