Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
