evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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