Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize