New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
