I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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