Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
