Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
