3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
porn star boner night. come get it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
