If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
