cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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