I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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