just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
