This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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