They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
it's like heaven, but drunker
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
