Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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