Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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