I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
