You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
