dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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