I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
