I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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