for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
