pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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