i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
