I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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