don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
why do cheetos always look like penises
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
