Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
