big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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