hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
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Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
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His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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