don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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