with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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