Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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