think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
