Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
