i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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