I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i drank out of a bidet.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize