another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
