I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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