I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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