people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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