I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My vagina just clenched in fear
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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