Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
