My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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