dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
