Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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