its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
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She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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