ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
