her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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