I think im going to throw up on grandma
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
