I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
