I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I got inside last night via doggy door
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
