She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
