i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
