Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
