This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
