So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
